Hermione’s Guide to Ass Cleaning

hermione ass

The following infographic on ass cleaning courtesy of Hermione the haemorrhoid may be disturbing to some viewers but if you’re too squeamish about poop to even read instructions on how to clean your ass, much less actually go about cleaning your own ass, being a bottom maybe isn’t for you. That’s ok, oral is fun too.

I only ever do the Fast clean up described below. I never receive fisting or anything that huge so there’s really no need. I’ve seen the slightest trace of shit on a condom after bottoming so Fast seems to be working fine.

I do it a little bit differently to Hermione. I have what they call an “enema bulb” in the infographic. I’ve always called it an Anal Douche rather than an enema bulb since I always thought of an enema as being a deep clean like the “Full” process.

I start by going to the toilet as normal about 45 minutes before I’m going to be receiving a guest. Bathroom fan on. Toilet window open. Wipe and flush. Then I fill the douche at the bathroom sink, put a drop of lube on my finger and lube my asshole and the tip of the douche nozzle, go back to the toilet, insert, squeeze, keep it squeezed while taking it out, wave magic wand, exclaim “Expelidoushius!” push the water out of my ass, wipe, flush and then go refill the douche and repeat a few times until the water comes out clean. This usually only takes a few squirts. If I’ve douched a few times and it seems like the douche isn’t going to be heavy enough artillery in this instance, I switch to the shower hose technique as per Hermione below.

Once the water comes out clean, I refill the douche one more time, insert and squirt, but this time I leave the water in, lube a finger and insert my finger as deep as I can while keeping the water in. Easier than it sounds. The water won’t escape. Being full of water makes it easy to check around the upper ring of muscle that I haven’t missed anything. If any stray chunks are lurking, they’ll just bump of my finger tip, dislodge from where they were stuck and eject after I remove my finger and push the water out.

Then I insert two fingers and thrust them in and out a bit. This seems to help release any water that might have gotten trapped above the upper ring of muscle. If the last bit of water that comes out isn’t clean, I douche again until it is. Then I alternate between inserting a finger and drying my finger on toilet paper, insert again etc until my ass is too dry inside to easily re insert.

Then lastly I jump in the shower and wash thoroughly with soap, dry off and clean around the toilet, bathroom sink and shower with antibacterial shower cleaning spray. I clean the douche using antibacterial toy cleaner and hot water, put it away, wash my hands once more and that’s it. Ass mischief ready to be managed.

This all probably sounds quite complicated but actually only takes a few minutes. I see a lot of male, bottom clients who are not clean. If I see or smell shit while topping, I usually stop topping at that point and politely direct Mr Dirty Bottom to the shower. Then when he comes back, switch to doing something else other than topping him. I suspect a lot of them don’t clean themselves in any way but I also know a few who do attempt to clean themselves but always seem to fail to actually get clean. I suspect the step they are missing is the one I mentioned above with the last douche and then leave water in and finger.

 

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hermione clean ass

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Tom
Tom
1 month ago

Hi Aussiemaleescort, I find this page very informative – thanks for maintaining your blog. This question was originally a PM on Reddit, but as you recommended I am posting it here so your answer is public. I have been thinking of trying out to be an escort myself. At this stage my main plan is to make a few thousand pounds while unable to work in my desired career (for which I need a driving licence, but driver test centres suspended their services a couple of days before my driving test in March due to Coronavirus). I am staying at… Read more »

Oz Bigdownunder
Admin
Oz Bigdownunder
1 month ago
Reply to  Tom

Hi Tom, Thanks for your comment. I wouldn’t recommend escorting during lockdown. At the moment I’m just doing webcam and selling video clips on adultwork and doing video chat sessions on whatsapp and making custom videos for some regular clients. After lockdown is over, if you still want to escort, I’d recommend using rentmen, gayromeo and sleepyboy and setting those locations as travel destinations. eg put Edinburgh for one week, then glasgow the next week, dundee the following week etc. It doesn’t matter so much about the dates or whether you’re actually intending to go on tour, once you have… Read more »

Tom
Tom
1 month ago

Thank you very much for your thorough reply Oz. Fortunately, Sleepyboys has an option to place an ad for free (since I am still at the stage of testing the waters). And in PlanetRomeo, I can set my location manually (for free). So is the (premium) travel function in PlanetRomeo redundant for my purposes (ie testing the waters of the escorting profession)? Also regarding PlanetRomeo, I manually set my location to Central London and had a look through maybe a hundred of the profiles which have been online in the last 12 hours. However, I did not find any examples… Read more »

Oz Bigdownunder
Admin
Oz Bigdownunder
1 month ago
Reply to  Tom

With the weight training, if you want to build any muscle mass, the usual method is 3 or 4 sets with a short break between sets. Just a minute or two at most. And if you’re not getting to the point where your muscles are failing at the end of each set, you’ll get very little benefit from the exercise. It doesn’t matter that much how many repetitions in sets. Could be 6 then 8 then 10 then 12. or reverse that 12, 10, 8, 6. Subtracting or adding weight as you go. Or just use the same weight for… Read more »

Tom
Tom
1 month ago

Thank you very much for your thorough reply Oz. Since I am just testing the waters, I think I will start off with making a free ad on Sleepyboys and set my location manually to Glasgow, Edinburgh etc in the free version of the PlanetRomeo (= the new name for gayromeo). In PlanetRomeo, I was unable to find any profiles suggesting an escorting service in two large British cities (including Edinburgh). In the absence of examples, could you give me an idea of how explicitly it is allowed to offer escorting services in your profile without getting kicked off the… Read more »

Oz Bigdownunder
Admin
Oz Bigdownunder
1 month ago
Reply to  Tom

the escort page for planetromeo is called hungqz.com. You’ll find the escort ads there. It’s fine to offer escort services without any need for euphemisms on any of the UK escort sites. Sex work is legal here so there’s no reason to pretend your services are anything other than sex for money. I don’t share face pics anywhere. I get plenty of jobs without showing my face but I’ve been doing this a long time and always worked very hard on promoting myself. Maybe if I’d shown my face from the beginning, I could have got the same amount of… Read more »

Tom
Tom
1 month ago

Thank you very much for your valuable advice!

Oz Bigdownunder
Admin
Oz Bigdownunder
1 month ago
Reply to  Tom

You’re Welcome 🙂

Dan Mayne
Dan Mayne
7 months ago

Well, so what is the best way to keep the butt hole clean then… I heard that enama is quite good actually. Though nice information by you keep it up. Also, another question I had was that will the cleaning process differ for both men and women.

Oz Bigdownunder
Admin
Oz Bigdownunder
7 months ago
Reply to  Dan Mayne

Thanks. Same for men and women. The comic and post above has all the answers to your first question 😉