Dr 36, The Cuckold Consultant, recently interviewed me for thecuckoldconsultant.com.
Here's the full interview =
If you’ve ever thought about (legally) hiring a male escort for your wife, or wondered what it’s like being a male escort, this interview will be highly relevant to you.
Our guest in today’s interview goes by the name Oz Bigdownunder and is, according to his website, “The Number One Male Escort in the World! If you Google ‘male escort’, I’m the top result for an independent. Currently ranking 48 for ‘male escort’.”
(If your search results vary/differ, it’s because Google sometimes will sort your results based upon your individual location.)
He’s been talked about in places like Cosmopolitan & Esquire, and as I’m sure you’ll soon see, his professionalism, intelligence, and personality, shine through in some genuine ways.
Q: So, can you tell us about yourself and walk us through how you got into the escorting lifestyle?
A: Hi, I’m Oz Bigdownunder and my website is: https://ozinlondon.co.uk/. I’m a Male Escort and Pro Dom from Australia based in London, UK and touring internationally.
I specialise in duos, couples, cuckolding, forced bi and double domination with Mistresses and their clients.
I started in this industry for reasons that could describe anyone starting in any industry. Because I wanted to get paid for doing something I enjoy and have a talent for.
I can get an erection, stay hard and cum on cue when a client wants me to cum. I enjoy sex with men, women, TS, couples, and especially any kind of scene involving more than two people. I’m well endowed, good looking, extremely fit. I have a background in customer service, a talent for creative writing that has helped a lot with building my online persona. And I’m told that I’m very relaxing to be around. I’m often told I’m a calming influence on people who are anxious eg people who are nervous about exploring their fantasies or about meeting a male escort. I make people feel at ease and I’m good at gaining their trust and ensuring that people feel they can open up, tell me what they really want, be themselves and have a great time.
With this combination of skills and attributes I’ve been very successful as a male escort. On my website I say I’m the number one male escort in the world. I base that claim on my position in search rankings. I’m the top result for an independent if you search for male escort. I gained that position from a lot of hard work in promoting myself and I’m very proud of what I’ve achieved.
The short answer is I started out in this industry because I thought I’d be good at it and hoped I’d be great at it and make a lot of money and have a lot of fun. I was right 🙂
Q: You mentioned in a previous AMA you did that you “did an office job for a year to qualify for a mortgage (needed proof of a regular income for a year).” Do self-employment jobs not count as regular income, or is/was it that escorting is a type of self-employment job that doesn’t count as regular income? Why?
A: The flat I bought is in Australia. Yes, I’m self employed in UK. I say I’m a consultant. I can use my bank statements and tax returns to show my income and could have done so to apply for the mortgage in Australia but I preferred to be there in Australia and work in an office job there for a while so I could look at properties in person, not risk being refused a loan if banks realised I was an escort and also by living in the property for another year after I bought it, I qualified for first home owners grant.
Q: How much discrimination do you face (financial, legal, societal, etc) over the fact that you’re an escort? Do you face more or less than you’d expect in a place where escorting is legal like London?
A: Sex work is legal in UK. Nothing I do is illegal. It’s ridiculous that in 2021 there are still countries where sex work is illegal. Criminalising sex work just makes it more difficult for sex workers to operate safely. Police shouldn’t be wasting their time arresting consenting adults for exchanging sex for money. They should be protecting us from real criminals.
I personally face almost no discrimination. I’m a white male. I identify as straight. I’m gay for pay when my clients are men and I enjoy sex with all my clients regardless of gender but I don’t feel like part of the LGBTQ+ community since only my clients know what I do with my clients. People who see my ads or website or this interview might have an opinion about me but I don’t show my face anywhere online so their opinions have no influence on my day to day life.
Nobody can discriminate against me based on something they don’t know about. If I did tell my bank manager or landlord or the tax man or someone I met socially that I’m an escort, I’m sure I would experience discrimination. I hope that does change and escorting becomes more accepted for what it is. Work. It’s just a job like any other.
Q: What steps are needed to maintain the safety (and legality) of what you do in countries where prostitution is not legal, like the US?
A: I often go on tour to places where sex work is illegal eg USA and UAE. I screen my clients very carefully in places where sex work is illegal. I make all my clients give references from other escorts they’ve met before and I make them pay deposits.
Q: Is there any difference to you when it comes to labeling yourself as a prostitute vs as an escort? What are the legal differences, if any, in a place such as the US?
Prostitute is a legal term. Nobody calls themselves a prostitute. An escort is a sex worker who meets clients in person for sex as opposed to a stripper or a webcam model or porn star. There are other sex workers who meet in person who don’t necessarily have full sex eg Pro Doms/ Dommes, erotic masseurs/masseuses, Professional submissives etc.
Q: How have your experiences shifted, if at all, from when you were a beginner to now?
A: I have gained a lot of experience. As a beginner it wasn’t always obvious to me what a client wanted. Sometimes I’d ask what they wanted to do and they would struggle to tell me because they were nervous and unsure how I’d react. The more experience I’ve gained the better I’ve got at asking the right questions and making educated guesses and suggesting things I think will appeal to a particular client based on what they say and signs I read when I meet them. They are all different so each session is unique.
A bespoke experience.
A lot of my clients are bi curious married men. Some of them fantasise about sex with another man for years or decades before finally plucking up the courage to go make their fantasy a reality. Some of them watch thousands of hours of gay porn alone in secret and dream of one day trying the real thing. It’s a big deal for them. I don’t take the responsibility lightly.
If I just shoved these guys on the bed and went through the motions to do the minimum to get them off, take their money and shove them back out the door, I’d have burnt out in this job long ago. I’d have no regulars, no duo partners and without any pride in the quality of my services, this job would have had no appeal to me and I’d have no appeal to clients.
I want these guys to have the best possible experience and I do everything in my power to create a session that’s tailored perfectly to each individual client’s wants and needs. Building a level of rapport and gaining someone’s trust is very important so they can communicate openly what they really want.
I take a lot of pride in being the best and in the fact that I get so many regulars who keep coming back and have so many duo partners who call me whenever a guy asks for a duo with a male escort.
Q: Have you ever found yourself in dangerous or potentially dangerous situations? If so, can you share 1-2 stories with us?
A: I’ve been doing this for well over a decade and never been robbed or experienced any violence. I take precautions. I screen my clients and when anyone seems remotely difficult leading up to a booking eg they seem rude, pushy, disrespectful or aggressive, I refuse to meet them.
There was one scary moment. A client booked me for an overnight in Qatar. I was in Dubai at the time. He passed my screening, paid a deposit plus money for my return airfare and booked overnight. He seemed fine. But when I got there he was high on crystal and very difficult.
It says clearly in my ad that I don’t kiss, or bareback or use drugs but he wanted all three of these things and every time I said no, he’d keep on trying to convince me to do these things with him. He was what we call a boundary pusher. Someone who gets off on trying to get services that an escort doesn’t offer. It’s not the service the boundary pusher wants, otherwise they’d just book an escort who does offer the services they want. They deliberately book someone who doesn’t offer certain services. They’re just excited by the challenge of trying to negotiate someone’s limits.
I told him I was keeping one hour of my fee, returned the rest of his money and left. He sent me a message after I left saying he was reporting me to the police. I ignored him and flew back to Dubai. Nothing happened but it was a bad day. I blocked his number, reported him on every blacklist and contacted all my duo partners in Dubai warning them never to meet him.
Q: What are 3-5 of the biggest myths surrounding male escorting?
A: Number one is the existence of straight male escorts who only see women clients. There’s no such thing.
If you’re straight and not ok with male clients, there is no market for you. Women clients do exist but they’ll tend to choose the most professional looking male escort they can find. Someone with his own website, paid ads on plenty of reputable directories, frequently updated social media with a lot of followers, professionally taken and retouched pics, a long history of good reviews and a friends page with duo partners who also list him on their friends pages.
If you don’t see male clients, you’ll never fit the description above so it’s unlikely you’ll ever get a woman client. Even after you’ve been seeing male clients for years and you establish a web presence like the one I described above, you’ll still only see a few women clients per year. Nowhere near enough to earn a living. There just aren’t that many women clients out there.
Anywhere you can make an escort ad cheap or for free, you’ll find thousands of “straight male escort” ads with a mirror selfie and/or a close-up shot of their cock, and a few lines of crude often misspelled and grammatically incorrect Borat style lines of text where that one ad is that guys entire web presence. I’d estimate that approximately none of those guys ever get one single paying client. But if you are gay, or bi or gay for pay and willing to work very hard all day every day on promoting yourself, then it’s entirely possible to be successful as a male escort.
The biggest myth about sex work in general is that all sexworkers are in reality as they are portrayed in the media.
ie desperate, impoverished, exploited, trapped, lonely, stigmatised, ashamed, borderline criminal, victims. I don’t identify at all with any of the above and I’ve met thousands of sexworkers in the 12 years I’ve been escorting full time and renting out incall locations by the hour to other escorts. Very few of the escorts I’ve met would identify with any, let alone all, of the description above. There are survival sexworkers but they are massively over represented in the media.
The majority of sex workers I’ve met treat their work the same way any reasonably successful sole trader treats their business. As a job. The public never gets to hear about a version of sexwork that the majority of sexworkers would recognise as resembling their own experience. Only the worst off sexworkers are portrayed and occasionally the high flying, jetsetting, highest earners of the industry. But never the majority who fall somewhere in between those two extremes.
Sensationalist media is to blame for public misconceptions about sex work. Because they ignore reality to appeal to the pearl clutchers and fear mongers.
Q: You mentioned in your AMA 5 years ago that most of your clients were male. Has that changed? What is the current split between male clients and female clients that hire you?
A: It has changed. Of my last ten bookings I’ve seen one single man, two couples and seven duos with Female Escorts and Mistresses. I also made a custom made video clip with a Transsexual escort paid for by a regular client of mine. He paid my fee plus hers and I sent him the video. We wore masks to cover our faces.
Next week I have an orgy party booking where one male client is paying for me, three female escorts, one transsexual escort and a Mistress for a two hour sex party. And I have a single woman client coming on Saturday for a session paid for by a regular male client of mine. He usually comes to see me with a different girlfriend of his for couples sessions. This time he’s paying for another woman to come and see me and she’ll tell him all about it afterwards.
I don’t really have an average day or week but the majority of my bookings these days are duos and couples. I still see plenty of single men and occasionally single women.
This is not normal for a male escort. It’s taken a decade of very hard work to build a network of duo partners who call me whenever they need a male escort for a duo session. And I treat promoting myself like a 9-5 office job. I put a lot of hours in sitting in front of my laptop marketing myself all day every day. The main things I promote are couples sessions, duos, cuckolding and forced-bi.
Q: What are 1-3 of the most influential books you’ve read when it comes to helping you learn more about intimacy and sexuality, and apply what you’ve learned? What are some of the most important things you’ve learned?
A: I haven’t read any books about sexuality or intimacy but I do follow a lot of sex blogs.
I recently bought Elust. https://elustsexblogs.com/ It’s a monthly collection of blog posts about sex. Everyone who contributes a post, reposts the entire edition for that month.
Via Elust I read about all sorts of sex, sexuality, fetish, toys, relationships and much more written by sex professionals and gifted amateurs alike.
And I’m a moderator on /r/sexworkers https://www.reddit.com/r/SexWorkers/ so I read a lot on there too. I’m always learning.
The most important lesson I’ve learned is to always consider the possibility that anything I read might not be true and correct. I do my best to assess all information objectively and check facts against the most reliable sources I can access. I read from multiple sources, ask the opinions of experts, and try to be very critical in sniffing out misleading or false information.
Q: What kinds of generalizations could you make about the majority of your clients? What would you say are some of the FALSE generalizations that society would make about the majority of your clients?
A: The media usually portrays clients as either sociopaths who are cruelly exploiting the vulnerable and/or as losers who can’t get sex unless they pay for it.
I hope only a small subset of society lacks the critical thinking skills to discern that media portrayals of sex work bear no resemblance to reality for most sexworkers.
The reality is that most clients simply want to pay for a service and get in contact with someone who provides that service.
No different to any other service provider transaction.
Q: Do you think your experiences as an escort and sleeping with as many people as you have has had, does have, or will have any impact on whether or not you want to (or can) settle down one day with a primary partner?
A: My girlfriend and I have been together for 8 years. She’s an escort too.
Q: What percentage of your clients would you say wind up enlisting your services more than once?
A: More than half I guess. It’s very hard to say more accurately than that. I keep a record of every booking on my calendar. But it just says “incall couple” or “outcall duo with Mistress Charlotte.” Or if it’s a regular I put their name on there so it might say “incall Dave”.
Q: What are 3-5 of your hobbies/interests outside of escorting?
A: I play chess. I love the game and study every day. I watch chess youtube videos, do tactics puzzles, do courses online, analyse my games, play for a club and in tournaments. Now I have a student who’s paying me for chess lessons. I’m rated about 1900 FIDE and 2100 online. Somewhere in about the top 7 or 8 % of chess players in the world but still a long way from the level of the best players. A Fide master could beat me 10-0 in a match, an international master could beat an FM 10-0 and a grandmaster could beat some IMs 10-0 and the top 10 players in the world could beat some GMs 10-0. It’s humbling that even though I can beat about 93% of chess players in the world, there’s still about four degrees of separation of unbeatable between me and the world champion.
I also love martial arts. I lived in Thailand for a few years and trained every day at a muay thai gym and fought professionally.
In London I go to the gym nearly every day. I cycle, run, swim and do my own muay thai workout on the boxing bag.
I’m an exhibitionist and love going to nudist spas, nudist beaches, fetish parties, swingers clubs etc. I do the world naked bike ride every year.
I read a lot of science fiction and fantasy.
I’ve always liked writing and put a lot of time and effort into my own blog, moderating on reddit and curating and editing Elust.
Q: What tips would you have for husbands who are looking to hire male escorts for their wives?
A: Communicate! The more you talk to each other about what you want and don’t want to happen, the more likely you are to have a good experience.
I’ve met couples who’ve read every page of my blog together, all my interviews, all the articles about me and discussed everything they read. They’ve watched hours of porn together that’s related to their fantasies. Those couples read all kinds of fiction and non fiction about the type of scene they want. That helps to get to know exactly what their partner likes and dislikes.
Those are the couples who have a great time.
I’ve also had guys contact me and say, “can you give my wife a massage and not tell her you’re an escort? Then try to seduce her and if she gets turned on and have sex with her?” This kind of thing is a terrible idea. Me randomly groping some poor woman who’s expecting a therapeutic massage is not going to end well. I always say “No! Talk to your wife. Tell her you want to see her have sex with a male escort. If she wants to go ahead then make sure you both know exactly how you want the session to go, discuss any limits and then contact me.”
I want to thank Oz Bigdownunder for taking the time to do this interview with us.