The most phenomenal discovery of our time, the greatest adventure, 65 Million years in the making, the beast unleashed, the Velociraptor Dildo from Laphwing!
Laphwing kindly sent me this ravishing paleontological specimen of Velociraptor - 8.66" Fantasy Monster Dildo to review.
Hellga and I tested out the Velociraptor dildo together along with Hellga's new Doxy Die Cast Wand Vibrator and sex wedge. Hellga's specifications. She would agree to ride the Velociraptor on the conditions that her hips were propped up on the sex wedge and her clit was getting plenty of attention from the Doxy. How could I deny her wishes? She's got me Raptor round her finger.
This isn't the first time Hellga and I have done the big bang. We've reviewed a monster sex toy together on occasion. As the Velociraptor said to the T-Rex about the Triceratops. I've fucked herbivore.
Hellga is not inexperienced in matters of the phallus.
She's studied more bones than a palaeontologist.
The Velociraptor Dildo has 7.48 inches of insertable length and 2.16 inches of girth. It's sizable but when it comes to toys that are close to the maximum size you'd take, like some of the huge dildos on offer at Laphwing, you will appreciate the softness of the platinum-cured single density construction. Soft to medium soft toys are much more gentle on the body when you're near the limit you enjoy for length and girth. For smaller toys, a dual density and firmer silicone is fine but for bigger toys, squishiness is optimal.
Monster Toys like the Velociraptor Dildo have a lot of textured detailing which provides pleasurable sensations due to the soft squishy silicone used.
Kitt's guide uses the Shore scale to measure toy firmness. Interesting. The Bigdownunder is closer to truck tyre than flip flop in firmness so I guess about a 60 on the Shore 00 gradient. The Velociraptor Dildo is more like a 20. About as hard as a semi you might be able to conceal in your jeans if you're sitting down. Hard enough to easily insert but squishy enough to take the full girth, length, and scaly detailing with utmost pleasure.
The internet seems to be surprisingly lacking in information about Velociraptor penises. They may have been like bird cloacas or crocodilian sex organs but absence of soft tissues in the fossil record makes it hard to say. The crocodile theory is compelling. Crocodiles and alligators have permanently erect penises hidden away in their body cavities that they can shoot out at will via a deliberate muscle contraction. That would make a good party trick. One could play snooker with it.
There's some speculation that the Tyrannosaurus rex had a 6 foot penis. So if you do jump in a time machine one day, keep your distance from amorous T-Rexes or you'll end up very Dino sore. Indeed, if you engage in anal sex with a T-rex, you might find yourself with a mega sore ass.
Pterrifying.
I have plenty of googly eyes left over from when I bestowed the gift of sight upon my Sucky Ducky. Alas, no googly eyes for the Velociraptor. They'd look very fetching on him but his head needs to remain smooth and insertable.
Use plenty of water based lube with your Velociraptor Dildo. Silicone lube may cause damage to your toy. So don't use silicone lube with silicone dinosaur shaped toys or you may experience a reptile disfunction.
The tail of the Velociraptor dildo can also be inserted but Hellga and I found a fun use for the tail is to hold the Doxy Die Cast Vibrator against the base of the tail such that the vibrations travel through into the tip of the tail and from there into her clit. A well lubricated, oscillating tail tip on her clit combined with the Velociraptor's fat, squishy head inside her vagina soon had Hellga experiencing an orgasm of Prehistoric magnitude.
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