Funzze emailed me a few weeks ago to say they'd enjoyed reading my reviews and would like to send me a unicorn dildo from their website.
I thanked them kindly for their compliment and for the generous proposal. Never one to decline an offer of a large dildo shoved through my letterbox, I cordially accepted.
Sure enough, a week later, the postman came with my magnificent new Funzze Dildo in his satchel.
I popped said Unicorn Dildo in some hot, soapy water and left it to enjoy a nice soak whilst I cleansed my anus.
Completing the purifying ritual via a quick rinse with boiling water from the kettle (the unicorn dick, not my anus). Easiest way to sterilise silicone toys, I find.
I've received a number of different fantastical beast themed dildos now for review purposes.
A menagerie of members.
I'm becoming a Doctor Dolittle of dongs.
An unholy, monstrous trinity along with my Werewolf Dildo and my Tentacle Dildo.
What do you call a horse who's owner had to have him neutered on account of his excessive horniness? A Eunuchorn.
Here's an unboxing video by X toys.
As you can see, the Unicorn Dildo is big.
Over 10 inches. 8.66 inch insertable length. Girth of the mid-shaft is 5.9 inch.
It is quite squishy and flexible so with plenty of water based lube, an experienced dildo aficionado will be able to accommodate this exquisite equine endowment with ease.
Ok, maybe not with ease. But eventually. Especially once it's mounted on a flat vertical surface with it's sturdy and reliable suction cup.
The horizontal ridges of the foreskin and veins make for a sensational ride.
Not to be confused with a Hippogriff, there's no need to be concerned with matters of etiquette like bowing. Just saddle up, grip the horn firmly and ride him over the rainbow.
